Random Dribbles

It’s hard and I feel guilty

According to the, “how to be successful on Patreon” manual, I should be posting at least once a day. I should blast all my social media feeds and tell my followers to share my work so I can become a big time author.

I decided when I embarked on this path I would take it a day at a time. I would selfishly focus on my work and be willfully ignorant to everything else. Now I feel guilty for having covered my ears and shut my eyes to the hate.

I can’t comfort anyone. I don’t know what to say. Sorry isn’t good enough, and according to half my feed, I’m part of the problem. I don’t know how to get rid of this guilt I feel for letting my country down. 

The only thing I can promise is to be a writer who tells different stories that others wouldn’t. I am a Lesbian, and I have longed to see heroes with my sexuality and struggles. I already have several characters that are LGBT+, and I want to share them, but I also want to do the community justice and not fall into stereotypes. The same with my female characters. I normally write strong female-centric stories because there are enough male-centric stories (oh. once you read my current work you’ll see the irony in this statement).

I’ll finish this post with the rules that I live by:

  • Be true to yourself: If you have a dream or a goal pursue it unabashedly.
  • Put out positive energy: I’m not a hippy, but I strongly believe that if you’re negative you’re only going to have negative things happen to you. 
  • Treat others how you want to be treated: You treat others like an ass your gonna get treated like an ass.

At this time, that’s the only thing I can promise. I don’t have a big enough platform to do much else, but it’s on my goal list to make a difference by building an inclusive community.

2 thoughts on “It’s hard and I feel guilty

  1. How did you failed? Did you not vote? Then yes, you failed your country in my opinion because I consider it a privilege and a responsibility to do so and to dismiss it as unimportant is wrong. Did you vote for the winner OR anyone else but the winner? Then NO! You did not fail anyone or the country. You did your civic duty and exercised your citizen’s right. There is nothing that says A Vote Guarantees a winner. And you don’t have to tell who you voted for and or justify it. Sore Losers do not deserve you wasting your time worrying.

    • I’d been thinking about it all of yesterday while my personal Facebook feed filled with comments of my friends’ fears and pain. I wanted to reach out and comfort them, but I couldn’t because I had been giving the world excuses. For most of the year, even while reading about the things that have been going on, I kept saying it’s no big deal. Even when I was sexually harassed, I would say it’s just a guy being a guy. I could have spoken up louder. Could have shared my opinions instead of remaining silent.

      I don’t think anyone is a sore loser. I think they’re afraid and they have every right to be. There are a lot of things going on, not just with America. It feels like this year has been one crazy ride and I hope next year will be much better.

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