Dyslexic Struggles / G.D.C

Of Walls, Fist, And GDC Blues

GDC this time around was just rough.

Pure and simple.

I spent most of my time moping around,

Questioning my future,

Struggling with my failures of the last two years,

And screwing up just about every encounter with business people.

Example:

I called League of Legends an MMO (for those that are not into gaming genres that means Massive Multiplayer Online game) to the, you’re gonna love this, CREATIVE DIRECTOR!

I stand by the fact that the game is played online with massive amounts of people. BUT! Any given game only has a set number of players that can join. So nothing like WoW (Again for the non-gamers that is World of Warcraft. But if you have never heard this term before, you must be living under a rock.)

And before you lovelies rush to the comment section and educate me on the finer points of LoL (League of Legends), I now know what the proper term is, MOBA (Massive Online Battle Arena).

Learn from my failures friends!

Like no matter what, do not

I repeat,

DO NOT

Go up to a recruiter, forgo the introduction, and burst out with, “I really want to be (Insert profession) do you have an opening?”, then run when they say no.

And whatever you do, DO NOT loop the convention center floor hoping they forgot your face and go back five minutes later to the exact same recruiter and TRY AGAIN! Not only will this result in an awkward handshake but a “What the hell are you doing back,” look.

And when you leave please REMEMBER YOUR CELL PHONE!

If you do not heed these warnings, then you might end up doing not one but THREE walks of shame.

I’m not saying that’s what happened with WB Games,

I’m telling you that is what happened with WB Games.

To be fair, I hadn’t wanted to go to GDC. I had gotten news about my book from a few people that, frankly, I did not handle well and resulted with me punching a mirror and a wall. On the upside it gave me a great conversation starter at GDC, on the downside I couldn’t shake hands very well. Add on that I couldn’t get the comic book going, or the few games that just didn’t work out, and the pressure from my job to load over 2000 boxes by myself on two different cars. The wall looked like a perfect place to release some tension and that person in the mirror was just looking at me wrong. (I luckily did not brake my hand)

As you can imagine I was not in top form when I arrived in San Francisco, I also had a chest cold all that week to put the color sprinkles on top of the mud pie (It should be noted I don’t like cherries).

Being in a room with all these accomplished people and standing in lines behind folks that had a portfolio of some sort to show off, I felt like a fraud. I had NOTHING to show.

No games, no writings, nothing but a blog with a Rabbit as my call sign. The one thing I was going to show off, even though realistically I knew that the recruiters didn’t have time to look at something with so much bulk, did not exist beyond 1’s and 0’s and was IS trapped in the death grip of editing and rewrites.

I have been going to GDC for the last four or five years.

GDC is where I discovered my true passion for games and writing stories. Writing before GDC had just been a pass time of mine, and authorship a vague goal. GDC is one of the few events I look forward to every year, and where I can reconnect with all my friends and like-minded peers.

For the last few GDC, I told anyone who would listen that come GDC San Fran 2013 I would have a book, comic book, and some type of game to put in my portfolio.

I was excited then, glowing with a big smile. I was ecstatic at the prospects of having something to my name, a foundation to finally stand on, and proof that all my hard work meant something.

So when I had none of that, truth be told, I was devastated. I was struggling to pull myself out of the quagmire of my depressed mindset.

It helped that my friends at GDC took moments to talk with me. They gave me reassurances, shared stories about their own heart aches, and gave me sage advice. Although we all agreed that I should probably punch something softer next time.

I can honestly say I don’t go to GDC just to learn new things. I go for the people that share my same passions. At GDC there are all types of people, programmers, artist, my group the writers, and that’s just a few of the groups you can find. It’s a little weird to say this, but to me GDC is a completely different world. It’s magical in the way that it brings people that think somewhat like you together in one massive place.

When I first got to GDC, I felt like a fraud.

But by the time I left, I felt somewhat myself again, the old excited me. Sure I still don’t know what I’m going to do, how I’m going to pull something out. My confidence has been shaken quite badly. The terror of the future looms over me, especially now that I’m less than three months out from graduation and everything hinges on my book’s completion.

Still, I’m suffering from the Post-GDC blues. Despite the fact I didn’t want to go, I still want to be there right now. I wish I could bottle up all the great people I’ve met and keep them on my shelf of Awesome forever and ever.

In short:

GDC was rough.

I miss my friends dearly.

This Book is being mean.

And I’m not quite sure how I’m going to get things done with so little time left.

Oh yeah and Pictures:

SAMSUNG SAMSUNG SAMSUNG SAMSUNG FOT7306

Sorry I was being to EMO to really take any.

If you have been to GDC please feel free to share some of your pics. Or what was your favorite talks? I’m looking at getting a Vault subscription or stealing someone’s. Eh, whichever comes first!

3 thoughts on “Of Walls, Fist, And GDC Blues

    • I heard about the party like the Friday before. I almost died trying to eat that whole thing by myself. Next time I’m sharing with someone, or starting with it first.

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